The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
