So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
