it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
