I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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