my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
