it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
