I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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