i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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