you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
