I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
