You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
