not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
