i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
