Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
