Need sex. Gaining weight.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
