You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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