I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
