If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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