So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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