I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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