Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
