i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
