HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
