I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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