I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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