yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
