i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
