He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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