apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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