I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
