The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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