My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
