I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
