Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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