Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My vagina just recognized that song.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
