i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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