In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
