we made out on top of his cat.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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