So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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