It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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