Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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