But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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