I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
