saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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