Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
