She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Sober January is a disaster.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
