Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
