At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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