YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
