2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
