He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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