and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
